I have a confession. I’ve been married to my "to-do" list for years. We've had our ups and downs. But it's time for a change. I've decided to break up with my to-do list mentality. Instead, I'm committing to presence and play over productivity.
Over the weekend I took my three-year-old to a kids' indoor play zone. Kids were exploding with joy and excitement, completely and fully absorbed in the moment, in their play.
Watching the fun unfold got me thinking. Play might be meditation in action. A place to show up. Be completely in the moment. Arrive. It creates happy, healthy kids. But could the same be true for adults? Charles Schaefer sums up the essence of play beautifully. "We are never more fully alive, more completely ourselves, or more deeply engrossed in anything than when we are playing."
My to-do list never offered me this. Instead it offered me a broken promise that I could start enjoying life as soon as I had accomplished everything on it. But it seems like I rarely got around to it. Did I (gasp) push play out of my life?
I asked myself, "Do other parents allow time for simple, good ol' fashion play?" As I looked around the play zone, I realized the answer is probably "no." I don't think it's because we are bad parents, or lazy, or exhausted (well it might be that), but I think more than anything, we forgot how powerful play is. We traded in play for productivity.
But lucky for us we have little teachers who have their PhDs in Play. Having kids allows us to not only see through the eyes of a child again, but also experience the power of play with our children. Really play. Interact. Be silly, creative and carefree. You know, the kind of thing most of us stopped doing in middle school because it was no longer cool.
Play can be seen as unproductive time, or even worse, a waste of time, by some in our society. In a culture where doing, achieving and accumulating is seen as the road to "success," why would we take a detour to play, explore, or imagine? If there's a tug-a-war between productivity and play, productivity usually wins.
But maybe we've never considered the benefits of play, for ourselves or our children. Maybe we simply thought that as we grow up, play gets left behind like old retainers, big-wheels and moon boots. We walk away only to stumble upon it later in life, after having kids.
It turns out that play is powerful stuff, not just for kids but also for adults. And there are real, tangible benefits of play for adults. It improves mental health, reduces stress, promotes creative thinking and helps with problem solving. My "mommy brain" could use some of that. Play allows us to better connect to others as well as ourselves.
Play is like the fountain of youth for adults. Forget about the overpriced, anti-aging beauty creams. You are much better off investing in play. Plus it’s free. It will leave you glowing, I promise.
For our little ones, unstructured, imaginative play might be one of the most beneficial teachers that we can let organically happen. Children learn best when they are playing. It's how they explore and make sense of this crazy world. But what's amazing is that this applies to adults, too. "Play is the highest form of research," according to Albert Einstein.
We are never too old to play. As we age we can become rigid and closed off. Play can keep us open, spontaneous and fresh. It reminds us to not take life too seriously. I agree with Stuart Brown, MD, when he states "Play is the purest form of love." We fall in love with life, with the moment, when we play.
But we forget this. Or at least I have after becoming a parent. My husband and kids remind me that there is more to life than my little to-do list. And so I've decided to break up with my to-do list mentality. I can bring awareness and presence to the "doing." Life doesn’t start once I've crossed off everything on my list. We never arrive to this future place we are working for. Instead life is unfolding in the present moment. All we have to do is shift our focus, show up.
I'm committing to play and being present over productivity. Below are a few ways that I am trying to add more play to my day.
How to tap into the power of play.
- Move toward surrender. Surrender your expectations of your to-do lists and need for being perpetually "productive." Surrender fears of how others will view you. Surrender the need for total control. Surrender your belief that doing or achieving is more important than being. Surrender your distractions and technology. What is blocking you from the present moment or from play?
- Move into openness. Move into the fluidity of play, in an organic way. Instead of scheduling a rigid start and stop time for play, just allow it to happen. Allow yourself to be open to the ever unfolding present moment. Create space between all of the sports, lessons and play dates that we schedule for our children. The goal isn't to add one more thing to our to-do lists, but instead to just be open and take cues from the kids.
- Use your imagination. Maybe your thing isn't running around, pretending you're a robot from outer space and chasing children (like my husband), but using creativity for storytelling, art projects, even "cooking" or at least exploring in the kitchen with kids, are all perfect little ways to add more play.
Lastly, if you think you need a little boost in the play department (because me, too), just look to your little ones, the experts on play. Let them take the lead. Just be sure to jump in and follow.
Work-from-home mom of two boys, Dana, is an employee wellness manager, yoga teacher, personal trainer and wellness coach. You can follow Dana on her blog, Sandbox Meditations, focusing on staying sane, healthy and mindful through kids and chaos, where you learn to find the OM in your hOMe.
